Of all of the complaints I see on-line about Starfield’s most disappointing quests, operating The Crimson Mile has obtained to be close to the highest of the checklist, if not at its very apex. What the sport advertises because the deadliest sport within the galaxy is definitely embarrassingly straightforward, as a whole lot of gamers have discovered a method to simply improve their increase pack expertise and fly on to their goal vacation spot and again, nullifying any problem introduced by what might have been a extremely engrossing and sadistic recreation. We’re speaking Sweet Land vs. Squid Sport-level stuff right here.
However for all its flaws, I’ve at all times admired Starfield for its large scope, even when the depth of the story and gameplay do not stay as much as that scope. The crew at Bethesda gave me a completely large sandbox to roll round in — not simply an open world, however an open galaxy — and I am gonna roll round in it identical to I did as an unruly toddler at bathtub time: bare and screaming.
Drawing Inspiration From Schlock
I’ve to provide credit score to a former roommate for this concept, since he launched me to the direct-to-DVD traditional American Pie Presents: The Bare Mile. Properly, launched is an exaggeration. He simply stored it in his sock drawer. Please ignore the implications of what it was doing hiding in there or how I knew about it.
I’ve by no means truly seen this film, however a fast take a look at Rotten Tomatoes (the place it sits with a stellar 0% on the Tomatometer) entails faculty coeds stripping all the way down to nothing and operating a mile. However Jim’s dad and one other Stiffler cousin are additionally there, presumably doing Jim’s dad and Stiffler issues, so there you go.
I can not promise any kind of attractive shenanigans on this playthrough, although, and never solely as a result of Bethesda will not let me take my underwear off, in order that’s one other leg up for what made Baldur’s Gate 3 one of the best RPG of 2023. No, that is severe enterprise. We’re gonna make The Bare Crimson Mile the brand new commonplace for difficult gameplay in Starfield. I am loading up my Stage 5 character save from once I first obtained the power to roam the galaxy solo, I’ve obtained no bodily expertise and no fight expertise outdoors of Stage 1 in pistol, which I began with, and I’ve ditched all my tools on The Frontier. So let’s hop off the ship and get began.
This Is Why You Learn The Journey Brochure
Okaythatwasabadidea!
So, the primary time I ran The Crimson Mile was very early in my unique playthough, and, nicely, I assume I did not actually do not forget that Toliman III, the planet the place The Crimson Mile is situated, would not have an environment. Operating round in underwear is humorous and all, however getting frostbite in your nethers is type of a second-tier concern when you notice that you just’re suffocating the second you step out of the airlock.
However hey! I made it to the entrance door alive! And I’ve nonetheless obtained all my credit! And the problem hasn’t began but, so Imma simply purchase three medpacks from the bar, pop all of them earlier than I’m going in, and begin the journey contemporary. What is the worst that would occur?
Madam, I am standing in my underwear in the course of your membership about to run a lethal impediment course on a planet with no oxygen. After all I am of sound thoughts.
, dying instantly, for one. As soon as our Crimson Mile host and proprietor,, fishes her grand announcement, I rush down the hall to the again door airlock, passing a cheerful “GOOD LUCK” graffitied on the walkway in the direction of my doom. The second downside with going outdoors with no go well with is that my imaginative and prescient will get actually blurry when there is no air, apparently. I used to be capable of finding my method down some steps and to just a little storage room with computerized doorways, however my milky eyes could not acknowledge it as a freight elevator, and I died gasping for air and wandering up and down the steps like an fool. Hopefully that was entertaining for the patrons.
Advantageous, I am going to Put My Garments On (However As Little As Potential)
Earlier than anybody will get too upset at me for what I do subsequent, don’t be concerned — I’ll do this bare once more befire the top of the article. However first, I’ll need to don a spacesuit, helmet, and pack if I wish to even stand an opportunity at surviving, so I am going to simply choose those that present me the least safety, which I looted off a pirate within the recreation’s opening combat. Nonetheless no weapons, although, and I am bare beneath my spacesuit, in order that’s one thing. Additionally, I can not exploit the bounce pack as a result of, nicely, I have never unlocked the ability that lets me use it within the first place.
Now, again on my unique Crimson Mile run when the sport first got here out in September ’23, I noticed my puny beginning pistol wasn’t going to make a dent within the acid-spitting rhino lizards that dot the panorama between me and the marker on the finish of the course, so I spent the complete time slowly creeping alongside in crouch mode and hoping nothing noticed me. A repeat of that might be boring, so intending to start out on Simple issue and progress from there, I plan to maintain operating or sprinting the complete time whereas simply making an attempt to not run proper into an enormous chompy beast that wishes to show me into acid poo.
The primary run was truly fairly straightforward. Each time a Crimson Mile Mauler truly locked onto me, I simply clicked the run stick and took off till it misplaced curiosity. I made it to the marker and midway again earlier than these acid bullets did me in. However the second time round, I made it again with solely a sliver of well being bar lacking. To date, so good.
After an hour of relaxation again on the frontier, I headed again into the lounge to start out my second run, this one on Medium issue. Standing on the gate and ready for Mei to complete her speil, I opened the menu and … huh. Appears to be like like I already accomplished the Meduim runthrough, since I forgot to alter the problem setting on the primary run. I might prefer to inform you that arduous mode left me with some epic escape tales, however it was just about the identical because the final run, and I did not die as soon as.
These Issues Are Smarter Than I Thought
All proper, possibly The Crimson Mile actually is simply too straightforward, even if you’re not making an attempt to make it that method. Cranking up the problem to Very Exhausting, the very best out there setting, left me just a little nervous, however when the elevator doorways opened, I used to be just a little confused. The massive chonky bois that I normally needed to dodge proper out of the gate weren’t there, and I did not actually need to appropriate my path a lot to keep away from those alongside the way in which to the platform and the large crimson button both.
It was solely once I obtained proper as much as the stairway to hell that I noticed why. Looks as if the Maulers had gotten smart to my methods and had been ready for me on the high, proper subsequent to the search marker. Suffice to say that you just take much more harm on Very Exhausting mode and, nicely, let’s simply say that this effort nonetheless took multiple try. By the fourth time via, although, I might perfected my escape route down the again stairs and managed to kite the suckers again to the start line with about two-thirds of my well being bar nonetheless intact.
Nonetheless too straightforward, however that is not what this problem was speculated to be about, was it? I used to be letting Jim’s Dad down, and nobody places Eugene Levy within the nook. No, my degree 5 (nicely 6 as soon as I obtained to Toliman III, because you get expertise only for discovering new programs) noby could not survive lengthy bare and afraid, by what about my Stage 49 hero of the cosmos, crusher of The Crimson Fleet, and man with literal superpowers?
Behold My Superb Tighty Whities!
Loading up a newer save, this was the model of my character who’d already snuck his method via the impediment course so many months in the past, however now, he was stronger. Higher. Prepared to reveal all of it in opposition to the harshest of parts.
Properly, kind of. I type of put all my improve factors into issues like spaceship design, sneaking, lockpicking, and piloting. Nonetheless no bodily upgrades that would assist me, apart from a heartier well being bar. What this model of my character did have, although, was a Starborn energy that lets him generate his personal breathable atmospheric discipline for a short time.
Lengthy sufficient to get to the marker and again? Ha! No. The recharge charge was unkind, and I nonetheless had my well being bar filling up with yellow environmental harm that could not be cured till I used to be again in a breathable environment, however the potential to dash endlessly whereas this energy was activated was a pleasant boon, and on my finest try, I used to be nonetheless in a position to make it greater than midway to the marker earlier than falling down and presumably going all purple and bloated and gross. Perhaps they’d simply go away my physique there as a monument, like these people in The Demise Zone of Mt. Everest, a testomony to human willpower and overconfidence in a single’s personal talents.
Ultimately, I actually would have favored to achieve a cheerful medium with The Crimson Mile. It is too straightforward if you play by the principles and just about unimaginable if you attempt to do an homage to a crappy faculty intercourse comedy. Oh, nicely. Perhaps my character will run throughout a few of these coeds in Sovengarde.
